Restraint January 25, 2010
I’ve been a bit emotional lately. I suppose that’s normal when you’re nine months pregnant and spend your days chasing after a high-energy toddler. It might even be healthy considering both my father and one of my best friends recently passed away. But the times when I find my eyes filling with tears usually take me off guard. The other day I started crying because my back hurt – not from the pain itself, but because my dad struggled with intense back pain during the last year of his life and I was suddenly overwhelmed by just how awful that must have been for him.
I’ve been a little stressed too. Birth is unpredictable. You can only plan for it so much, and that’s hard for a person like me who doesn’t really like surprises. There’s also been a lot on the calendar lately, and with just a week till my due date I’m entering that phase where I want to do nothing but sleep until the baby comes. Since that obviously isn’t possible right now, I’d at least like to stay home as much as I can. Even little errands are now a major effort.
So I wasn’t looking forward to my agenda this morning – Sky’s eighteen month check-up with the pediatrician, which included two vaccines and a heel prick. Every time I thought about it yesterday I’d get this twisty, churning sensation in my stomach. With my fragile emotions, I figured I’d end up in tears right along with Sky and I was dreading it.
But I actually didn’t cry at all. The only thing running through my mind as Sky’s screams echoed through the office was this: a quick injection is better than a long, drawn-out case of the mumps. My ability to think logically in that moment shocked me. Overall, it was a rough morning, especially for Sky. She didn’t stop crying until she was asleep in her crib at home. But we accomplished our goal, checked the appointment off the list, and I was able to keep myself from spilling my wild emotions all over the pediatrician. Today, I consider that success.
Absolutely it’s a success! I wish I could give you a huge hug right now and tell you don’t be too hard on yourself for being emotional. There IS a lot on your plate and much of it brings up totally conflicting responses. It’s NORMAL to find that kind of nonstop back-and-forth input overwhelming! It’s normal at this stage in your pregnancy to want to nest (hide away in your own space and focus just on what you need for the next part of your journey). It’s normal at this point in grieving not one, but two huge losses to want to cocoon away like your mom was saying and take the time to heal. All of that is not only normal, but healthy and necessary. If all you do in a day is spend the day in your PJs playing with Sky and resting as much as humanly possible and hiding in a bubble bath once Ad gets home until you can snuggle with him in bed then that is accomplishing all of your most important needs at the moment.
And if there is anything else, anything at all that really needs to get done but feels like too much to handle then if there’s ever been a time to ask for help, it’s now! Please don’t listen to that voice of condemnation and let it keep you from calling me or any of us for help with errands, housework, babysitting….Really. We’re glad to help.
Much love!
Aron
Well said Aron. I totally agree.
I remember hating taking our kids to get shots for I felt like I was betraying their trust in me to protect them and they didn’t understand why I would let them experience such great pain like that.
Our relationship with the Lord is similar to that. There are times when He allows the pain in our life for a greater purpose than we understand. It is during those times that we feel betrayed by Him, for we trusted Him to protect us from going through it, we didn’t understand why He would allow it. But like a parent with a child whom they love so much and can see that what they are doing is for their ultimate best and can’t reason with, our heavenly Father is the same way with us. He is there to comfort, to soothe, knowing that this pain will go away and will make us stronger to face anything similar to it in our life journey. Rest in Him.
I’m proud of you for being able to separate your emotions from Skylar’s in the doctor’s office. That’s so hard for us moms to do, especially when the child is a little one. Watching my adult children being sad abut Papa’s death has been tough, too. Once a mom, always a mom. May God bless your day today as you carry your burdens so well… some within, some without. Love you so much…
Amen to all of the above, Linni. Aron’s advice is so very, very wise and the two ‘mom’s’….we can all relate, I’m sure.
I remember one time, taking Terry to the doctor (her pediatrition) not sure how old whe was maybe 8 or 9…and it was an emergency..something to do with her foot…holding her while the doctor was cleaning it and she was crying, I was crying and the doc. told me if I couldn’t contain myself I’d have to leave..and she was crying out “mommie don’t leave me’….I had to ‘buck up’ quickly…..I wanted to slap that doctor.
Guess what his name was . Dr.Butcher…I think I changed doctors after that…!
Emotions from moms -whatever age the children are – are hard to restrain….tears, we shouldn’t. I feel…they are a ‘washing of the soul’…and makes us feel better…so let’um flow honey…you’re so loved…and the new life we’re all about to be blessed with is already…and yes, Skylar WILL be…a good ‘big-sister’. It’s a full-moon this weekend!
Love ya, GG