Kiss Your Miracle

motherhood after infertility


Waiting January 28, 2010

Filed under: Motherhood — Linnea @ 7:08 pm

I’ve hit that point in my pregnancy where I make certain people nervous. On Tuesday I had an appointment with the eye doctor, who seemed to be on edge from the minute he saw my belly. He asked about my due date and when I said it was a week away, he responded, “Oh, well, we’ll be sure to have you right on out of here as soon as possible.” I told him I went a week overdue with my first and still had to be induced, but he kept staring at me like my water was about to burst all over his newly carpeted floor. I ended up with my quickest eye exam ever.

More and more people are asking me how I’m doing and I have a simple answer to that question: I’m waiting. Sometimes patiently, like late at night when I crawl into bed exhausted. “I want to have this baby soon, God,” I’ll pray as I close my eyes, “but not tonight. Tonight I just want to sleep.” And sometimes impatiently. Like when I’m driving home after a visit to the midwife, who’s told me once again that everything looks “the same as last week.” I know everyone will want a report and it’s not fun to share that there isn’t one. Sky “helped” me pack my hospital bag two weeks ago, and I can’t even remember what’s in it anymore (don’t worry though – we took her stuffed animals out before we put my things in).

It’s hard to wait, especially these days when inductions and c-sections are so common. I get why people are induced as soon as their doctors are willing – the last few weeks of pregnancy are difficult and I’m sometimes tempted to go that route myself. But I think if I was induced now or even on Tuesday (my estimated due date), I’d be disappointed later, especially if I ended up with a long, slow, medicated birth. I figure my body at least deserves a reasonable chance to go into labor on its own. The thought of still being pregnant ten days from now is not a happy picture in my mind, but I’m trying not to dwell on that too much. I can handle being pregnant right now and that’s all I plan to think about today.

 

5 Responses to “Waiting”

  1. Jen Says:

    Sky, you’re the cutest girl ever! I think Mama needs ALL those animals. So helpful!

    Great perspective, L! I’ll try to learn from you. I do right now, so that’s all I’ll do. Miss you and I promise a real email soon.

  2. Karin Says:

    Good luck whenever it happens!

  3. TLC Says:

    Skylar is so cute, sitting in the suitcase! She doesn’t have a clue that her world will change soon. She won’t have mama and daddy’s attention all to herself for awhile until her baby brother is at a stage where the grandparents can watch him.
    I’m praying for her to be truly a big help as a big sister and continueing to give you smiles and for your labor to be a quick and easy one, followed by an easy transition of the new little one in your routine. I know it sounds a bit unrealistic but one can only hope and pray for the absolute best for someone who is loved by so many.

  4. Aron Says:

    You have such a great attitude about your pregnancies and I know that will serve you well. Praying continually for you to go into labor all on your own, to have a safe and easy labor, and for you to continue to have the grace and wisdom to handle each part of this process. Love you and can’t wait to hold the new nephew!

  5. Tina B Says:

    Hi! This is Tina B from HP. I just found your blog from there. I love it. Just wanted to say Hi and praying for you in these last days of your pg!! Blessings!