Kiss Your Miracle

motherhood after infertility


Firsts June 28, 2009

Filed under: Motherhood — Linnea @ 6:02 pm

Today I bought Sky her first toothbrush. She has a total of four teeth so far plus a few on the way, and it occurred to me the other day that we should probably be doing something to clean them. When I handed it to her she quickly put it in her mouth, like she does with just about everything, and began to chew on it. And as I sat there watching her, it struck me how grown up she looked, standing in her bathroom wearing shorts and a tank top, brushing (well, sort of) her teeth. For a minute she looked more like a little girl than a baby.

toothbrush sky (1 of 1)

I’ve never been one to feel wistful over how fast Sky is growing. When I see pictures of her as a newborn I don’t get nostalgic for those days at all. I actually have a hard time remembering much about that time beyond the sleepless nights, breastfeeding problems, and extensive crying sessions (for Sky and for me). Sky was restless and frustrated as a tiny baby. But with every milestone and every new skill she’s learned, she’s grown more content. I love that I have memories from Sky’s newborn days; I just wouldn’t want to relive them. Even now when I’m overwhelmed by sleeping issues or the crazy mess at mealtimes, I’m comforted by the idea that one day she’ll put herself to bed. And down the road when she gets the floor dirty, I’ll just hand her the broom.

Still, I have to admit that I had a moment when I watched Sky with the toothbrush. The thought occurred to me that this is one first out of many. She has yet to experience her first birthday, her first ponytail, her first sleepover, her first love. And as much as I like to watch her learn new things and grow, it’s a bit unnerving to think about how quickly time rolls along, regardless of how we feel about it. I suddenly found myself thinking about the clichés all of us young moms hear whenever we’re in the grocery store with a fussy baby. Without fail someone will advise me to “Enjoy these days! They go so fast!” – which seems irrational when I can’t even pick out a box of cereal because my child is being so demanding. What’s enjoyable about that? But I guess most clichés begin with the truth. Even the most frustrating days do have happy moments when I’m willing to stop and look for them.

I think what I want the most is to simply appreciate my little girl in whatever stage she’s experiencing. Not to wish her younger (which isn’t a major temptation for me so far) and not to wish her older (definitely where my mind tends to go). Just to love her for who she is right now, aware that the future has no guarantees, grateful for each day we have together.

 

2 Responses to “Firsts”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    this is great. how we do that in our own lives too instead of relishing the trials and things we are going through with God, i want change and the next thing…now. looking forward to seeing you guys in a few days!

  2. Linnea Says:

    We’re so excited to see everyone too! :)