Kona August 20, 2009
The other night Adam and I were organizing some stuff in our garage when we found an old kukui nut lei from Hawaii, which Sky immediately claimed for herself. Seeing her with the lei was like a collision of worlds – my here and now interacting with my past. Ten years ago, a month after my college graduation, I moved out to Kona, Hawaii, to work with an organization called Youth With a Mission (YWAM). I spent my early twenties living part-time in Hawaii and traveling in Asia and the South Pacific on two-month outreaches the rest of the time. It was three years of constant change, but it’s also where I met Adam, who became the most consistent part of my life. We got engaged in Montana the year after we left Kona, married in Chicago where I grew up, and for the past six years we’ve lived here in Florida near his family.
The kukui nut lei is now part of Sky’s toy box, and watching her play with it makes me smile. I like thinking about that time in my life, when the future was so undecided. As a wife and mother now, some of life’s big choices have been made. I wouldn’t change any of them and I’m so thankful for where I am today. But at the same time, life has a certain stability to it that isn’t nearly as glamorous as say, hiking the Annapurna trail in Nepal and backpacking through northern India for the summer. Sometimes those years seem surreal, like I might have just daydreamed them. But then there’s Sky, wearing a lei around her neck, reminding me that those years are part of who I am. I wouldn’t be Adam’s wife or even Sky’s mom without my YWAM experience.
God alone knows what the future holds. Maybe it’s a long, stable stretch of life in Florida. Maybe it’s another stretch with YWAM. Or maybe it’s something entirely new. All I know is that God is leading me every step and that means there’s a lot to look forward to.
INTERESTING. choices. i have been thinking lately a lot about that. i was sitting here the other night, smoking a cigarette in my garage looking at the lack of mowers and the abundance of vacant space. i thought about the spititual parallel there. i thought, i have no job, no property, no girl, no obligations, and no real home to speak of. not even a lease. i have made what choices i think i should to follow God or to let Him lead and here i am. i could really do anything or go anywhere i suppose, but at the same time, i dont care all that much. to be honest, i dont really have all that much motivation. i was reading some journals from 5 years back and thought, “all that stuff i was thinking about so much back then, debt, a girl-whatever. and look, all the time spent on it and it didnt amount to anything except words on a page and an irritated feeling when i read it.” hmmm. not sure really. i could go to Hawaii or England or India. start over, make another life there, get distracted by that process and then back to this again. me standing somewhere looking at a bunch or stuff(or lack of it) and thinking, “hmmm. this again.” none of it lasts. i guess all that to say, i like your positive outlook of, ” i know that God is leading me evey step of the way, so there is a lot to look forward to.” i would like to say that, but i honestly dont look forward to it all that much anymore.. i guess that has to do with this thread of disscontentment underneath everything no matter what it is. sometimes, life seems to go on way longer than it should. i know that’s depressing, but we all go through this and we go through that. the cycle continues, happy, sad, repeat. i am a bit Ecclesiastical today. maybe i’ll just apply for a job as a check-out guy at Wal-Mart. just be down in the pit with the people.
I love when you comment on my blog! Believe me, I have plenty of discontented moments myself. But all the things God leads us through – the good and especially the bad – shape who we are and our faith in him. Even when we have those moments of peace and happiness, there’s always regret for our past mistakes beneath the surface, right? And it’s a cycle that never ends. But that’s why we all love Ecclesiastes. Even the Bible agrees that sometimes everything seems meaningless. But God IS leading you. Because really, at the end of your life what counts is the way you interacted with God and people – and even if you have an empty garage and nothing that the world would say equals success, you are connected with Him and you influence everyone you meet. At Wal-Mart or elsewhere.
We are listening to a teaching series on the seasons in our life. It reminds us of how this timeframe that we are living in right now (good, bad, neutral) is only a season. Sometimes that season goes on for months or years and we wonder if this is all our life will be about. I look back at the long four years of ill health and severe depression,and the feeling like it would never end and now I am rejoicing in the spring of life that I am now in. Those four years brought me into a closer relationship with our abba Father and Lord Jesus, in a way I don’t think I could experience otherwise. Life is sometimes an enduring journey and then there are those times of adventure and living life to the fullest which I love.
Love it, and I can relate!
I remember seeing you and Adam in New Delhi! I think you were getting ready to hike in Nepal, you brought me to your favorite coffee shop and I was in heaven to get a latte in the middle of that crazy city! Just thinking about that time brings a smile to my face. I definently relate.. Did it really happen? Sometimes I wonder what the kids will think or even believe me when I tell them stories someday. Once I told Ella that I was a teacher, because that is my degree, and she said “no you’re not a teacher, you are a mommy!” Its just all her little life has ever known of me, and that is probably for the best right now. I like how you ended your post, thar God is still leading/in control. Sometimes I like to glamorize those years in my mind but there were also a lot of unglamoris things and struggles within them. Luckily we don’t have to make all of life’s choices on our own. Maybe my life will have a latte in Delhi in it once again, but only in God’s perfect will and timing. I can’t imagine life without that.
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have had this moment… my life is SO incredibly different then those stress-free years in Kona. Gosh – I can call them stress-free NOW because in comparison to the responsibilities we have now. I always tell Nathan that I feel those years were like a God-given dream of preparation for my real life now! LOL!
But truly – we know that anything we do, so as it is int he will of God – is going to be good. Life’s a journey – an incredible one… going for the ride is half the fun!