Work August 24, 2009
Today is the first day of school in our county and my thoughts are on Forest High School, where I used to teach. Someone else now works in my old classroom, and it’s full of students I’ve never met. Instead of rushing around making seating charts, talking through procedures, and trying to remember names, I spent this morning sitting on the floor with Sky reading Goodnight Moon over and over and helping her shove little pretend cookies into a plastic, singing cookie jar.
I was reading Heather Armstrong’s blog the other day and her topic was the career-minded mom vs. the stay-at-home mom dilemma, and how it’s a conversation that will probably never end because many women feel so passionately right about their position in the debate. She then wrapped up her post by asking for feedback from her readers. When I last checked it, she had 935 comments. Yes, 935.
Armstrong is the blogger of all bloggers, in case you haven’t heard of her. Her site, www.dooce.com, is one of the most visited blogs on the internet. She definitely doesn’t need any publicity from me, but I can’t help plugging her site a bit because it’s hilarious and well done and sometimes even touching, despite her frequent profanity. But back to my point – 935 is a crazy amount of comments, even for the champion of the blogging world. She’s right when she says that we sure do have our opinions when it comes to working and motherhood.
So I was thinking through all of that as I sat on the floor this morning with Sky. I’ve been a full-time at home mom for just over a year now and I can easily say it’s the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. I know without a doubt that I want to spend the majority of my day with Sky. But that doesn’t mean the daily reality of it is always enjoyable. I have to admit that I don’t usually lose track of time. In fact, I’ve been surprised at just how quickly I get irritated with the little things, and how easy it is to complain or lose my temper.
And that’s where the guilt comes in. So often at the end of the day I find myself wondering if I focused too much on getting things done. I hear Dr. Sears’ voice in my head warning, “It’s possible to be a full-time at home mom and only interact part-time with your child.” Then on other days I wonder if I’m spoiling my daughter. I wonder if she’s getting enough social interaction, enough outside time, enough healthy food to eat, and on and on. I thought being at home full-time would mean no guilt, but I’ve learned that it’s possible to second-guess yourself regardless of your working decision.
When it comes to the question of the ideal mother, I don’t have any answers other than it can’t just be one thing. I’m starting to learn that raising a child well will always require sacrifice of some kind. I feel no regret about my decision to give up my teaching position, but I do miss things about my old career. The good news is that I’m starting a new job in September, grading papers part-time for an online university. I’m also hoping to tutor a few students and develop my writing ability into something that might actually, eventually earn me a little money. It’s tricky – trying to find the balance between the work of motherhood and other work. But I’m hopeful that with time and plenty of trial and error, I’ll figure out what’s best for my family and for me.
I love watching your thought processes unfold in writing. I also love your phrase, “the work of motherhood,” keenly accurate.
I always relate so much to what you write! And you’re a good writer so it’s enjoyable to read your blog. I also second-guess myself with McKenzie. Do you think we’ll stop that and feel more confident with our 2nd children (BTW mine is NOT yet on the way!)?
By the way, we love Good NIght Moon! I think I have it memorized.
Motherhood is a challenging balancing act between taking the time for maintaining the housework, our health (physical, emotional, and mental), quality time with our husband, children, extended family members and freindships, and working outside the home part time or full time. No two days are ever the same but can be similar as we strive to establish an even paced rhythm to our week. Guilt would rob us of our present precious moments no matter how earnestly we strive to do our best to make no mistakes. That is where the grace and mercy and assurance from our loving heavenly Father comes in as we take the time to interact with Him throughout the day. God is bigger than any mistakes or mess ups we feel we make with raising our children. We have a chance to start over with each brand new day and sometimes even throughout the day. We are experiencing alot of our first time moments right along with our children throughout each stage of their life. The experience and knowledge gained does make it a little easier to breathe and be flexible with the following children we are blessed with. It is a blessing to have the support of peers who are going through the same thing as you, which helps to ease the guilt by knowing we are normal with our daily frustrations of motherhood. It also helps to have mentors who have been through it and give their perspective from the wisdom of their experiences. May each of you be blessed with knowing you are not alone in this ever changing role of motherhood.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts… I’ve been thinking about this some lately too, although in a new light- seeing the stay at home mum job and the job of home maker, support to my hubby in his work, etc. all rolled into one- and looking at all of that put together as my career choice!:) We don’t get paid, but we do get the best job in the world!! I think looking at it this way gives us the challenge to be great at what we do- not only the child rearing (and you are doing amazing- time that Sky is playing along side you while you work is still time spent together and good for her to see you doing meaningful work)but in keeping our families healthy by the food we prepare, the spiritual environment we create at home, etc. etc. Yay to being able to have the best job in the world for this season in our lives!!
You are a beautiful writer. So honest and real. I can’t wait to see your next blog. It’s so wonderful to feel like I can be connected to your life through reading your blogs since we don’t see each other too often. I hope your writings can turn into a career for you at some point. That would so great. Oh I didn’t tell you…I got a job as an instructional paraprof at NMHS and I am getting to teach a lot. It’s has been such a challenge and blessing. I am teaching ESE and it is nothing like i expected, in a good way. These kids really need someone on their side in life and I feel like each morning I get up to do God’s work in my classroom…giving these kids a chance to make something of their lives…a new start. I wish I could share it with you over a good cup of hot coffee….there’s so much to say about this new experience and chapter in my life.