Grace September 24, 2009
There are some things about life as a Christian that are hard for me to understand. Take grace, for example. I love the word; it’s actually Skylar’s middle name. We chose it because of the definition pastors often use to explain the concept – grace is something God gives to us that we don’t deserve. And Sky easily fits that description.
I feel like I have at least a little understanding of big picture grace. Ephesians 2:8 says that it’s by grace we have been saved, through faith, so I get that grace is a gift, an unearned thing. My problem is in how to apply grace in my everyday life. I’m afraid that if I concentrate too much on how my walk with God is not based on works, but on what God has already done, then I’ll let myself do whatever I want and I’ll be a lousy Christian. And I can hear you right now. You’re saying, “You don’t understand grace, Linnea.” And that’s exactly my point. I want to understand it, but for some reason, it feels unnatural, like it goes against me.
Philip Yancey, author of the best book about grace on the planet, writes, “I cannot claim that grace is fair. By definition, it’s unfair: we get the opposite of what we deserve.” He points out that grace is scandalous. It’s only by grace that a person could forgive a thief or an abuser or a murderer or anyone else who clearly doesn’t deserve forgiveness. It feels wrong. But the people I know who seem good at receiving and extending grace always appear to be so peaceful. People like me who struggle with being judgmental tend to be more anxious and guilt-ridden, sometimes over things that may not even be wrong.
So the other night Adam and I were having dinner and talking about grace and the fear of God, and I was questioning how we’re supposed to fit both of those concepts in our head at the same time. Adam nodded and listened. He said some things too, though at the moment I can’t remember what they were. All I know is that when dinner was over, I felt better. I always feel better when I talk to my husband. This Sunday is our sixth anniversary and I didn’t realize it when we first got married, but Adam is a man of grace. When I tell him about my struggles and weaknesses and doubts, all the things that make me feel like a pathetic Christian, he doesn’t get upset or try to argue with me about why I shouldn’t feel the way I do. He doesn’t start preaching or give me a bunch of advice on how to “fix” myself. He just listens to me. And then we talk through it. I might not have a complete understanding of grace. But I do get to live with an example of it. I’m so thankful for the six years I’ve had with him. And I hope I appreciate him every day for the rest of our life together.
We already knew what a treasure you have in Adam your husband (and actually talked about that just yesterday!), but it was a great blessing to read your words about him today. We, as his parents-in-law, are so thankful for him! And as for God’s grace, I don’t think any of us will understand the full scope of it until heaven, but I believe it is an uplift for each of us to try. I also think that trying to understand might bring pleasure to the Lord, because as we try, we’re ruminating on, dwelling on, thinking about His amazing character. Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Linnea, You have an incredible gift of expressing thoughts and feelings which all of us have struggled with at one time or another. Your expressive words overflow with the grace to be human. When I look back at the various struggles I have walked through in life, then I see the “amazing grace” which carried me through each one.
It blesses me to hear how much Adam is loved and appreciated by you and your parents. He is blessed to have such a godly woman and in-laws, which is an answered prayer that was whispered since the time he was born.