Kiss Your Miracle

In my little world these days, the only sound worse than Skylar throwing a temper tantrum is Micah screaming his brains out. There are times when our house is a very loud place. But the Bible tells us to “seek peace and pursue it,” which I take literally. So if it’s possible to avoid a total meltdown for all three of us, then that’s what I want to do.

When Micah’s fussy, there are two things that rarely fail to calm him down: the Ergo carrier and the bouncy ball. The combination of the two usually puts him to sleep (at least for a little while). But Sky is still adjusting to her brother, and the minute he goes into the Ergo she comes running at me with her arms out. “Hold you mommy!” she’ll cry over and over. So I do. And we all bounce together on the ball.

When Adam first took this photo he said, “Wow, you look so happy!” I am happy; having two kids is a dream come true for me. Though I can’t claim to be happy about all the time I spend these days pacing the floor or bouncing on that ball, I know someday I’ll look back at this picture and laugh. People even say I’ll feel wistful and nostalgic for this time in my life. Right now exhaustion keeps me from imagining that, but I’ve always believed that anything’s possible.

Almost everyone in my extended family drinks coffee obsessively and any drop-by guests are an immediate excuse for a coffee break. I have countless childhood memories of my mom and Aunt Mary deciding to have a “quick” coffee break together after school, which usually meant an hour or two of playtime for us with our cousins.

Sometimes I think that’s what I miss most about living near my family – all the time to sit and talk face to face. Adam and I travel north to see them as much as we can and it’s great to have our vacation weeks with them. But each trip is a major excursion involving the effort to plan and pack, long travel, and days off work for Adam, which means we can only do it a couple times a year. It’s all more than worth it of course, and I count down the days before each trip. But we still only get that day-to-day interaction for a short while before we have to pack up again and come home. There are many days I find myself alone in the kitchen with my kids, wishing for a random, unscheduled coffee break with family.

Maybe that’s why I appreciated this past Saturday morning so much. My Uncle Bervin and Aunt Mary called and said they were in Florida, passing through Ocala on their way to Sanibel Island. “We’d love to stop by for a few minutes and meet the baby,” they said. “Of course!” I said immediately. Thirty minutes later they were in our house. Mary cuddled Micah up in her arms and we all sat down with coffee and the donuts they’d brought with them.

My mom always tells me not to want what I don’t have. “Just gratefully receive what you’re given,” she says. So that’s what I’m trying to do. It was just one hour with a bit of my family, but it was special to me.

When Sky first met Micah, she immediately offered him a ball to play with. It was a perfect beginning. But Micah’s officially a month old now, and since that first day, we’ve had our share of conflict – like this morning, when Skylar cried through Micah’s entire thirty minute feeding because I wasn’t giving her my full attention.

During those times I usually remind myself of all the wonderful mothers I know who somehow make life work with many children. The women in my family are all role models for me, especially because they’re willing to talk about their parenting mistakes and compromises. When my mom was here right after Micah’s birth, Sky was having an off day, and my mom told me to put on some cartoons for her. “But isn’t it bad for her?” I said. I do let Sky watch TV, but I usually feel guilty for it. “Are you kidding?” my mom laughed. “I used to beg you guys to watch TV when you were toddlers.”

I’m not trying to advocate lots of TV for little kids and I know my mom isn’t either (my only TV-related memories are of her telling us to turn it off). I’m just grateful that my mothering examples have never pretended like their kids didn’t taste sugar or watch a movie until they left home. I hope I set high standards and try for the best with my children, but it’s good to remember I don’t have to be perfect. Life isn’t always as pretty as our pictures; I’ve had several major meltdowns in the past four weeks. But I think that’s just how it is to be a mom. It’s messy and chaotic and emotional I love it anyway.

The best cure for the baby blues = Adam walking in the door from work, kissing me and Micah, and then tickling Sky until she can’t stop laughing.

Now that we have Micah, Sky’s place in our family has shifted. She’s no longer “our baby.” She’s our big girl, the oldest, Micah’s sister. Because she’s only nineteen months, she doesn’t have the words to articulate her feelings, but her actions show that the adjustment is hard for her. Her volume level is higher than ever before (and it was loud to start with) and she’s been throwing more temper tantrums. So far she hasn’t done anything but shower Micah himself with kisses, but I carefully stand guard when she’s hovering over him.

Life with two kids is an adjustment for Adam and me too. When I’m home alone with Sky and Micah I have my moments of “Hey, I can do this!” And those moments are usually followed by unexpected chaos that has all three of us crying together. But no matter how crazy any one day may be, I know without a doubt that this is the life I always wanted. Micah’s sudden presence in our family may be rough for Sky right now and even stretching for Adam and me as parents, but it’s also the very best thing for all of us. Micah is now three weeks old and we thank God for him each day.