Goodbye November 5, 2009
On Tuesday night, November 3rd, my father left his life on earth and headed into eternity. It happened around 8pm, just as our family was getting ready to eat dinner. My mom, all seven children, two spouses, two grandchildren, and my Aunt Mary were in the house. A few minutes before, we’d stood in the living room a few feet away from my dad’s hospital bed while my mom read aloud from a sweet card that had arrived in the mail that afternoon. Then we prayed for the food and went into the kitchen to dish up. My aunt and mom went back into my dad’s room for a bit.
A few minutes later, my aunt called us into my dad’s room. My father lay perfectly still in his bed, and my mom was draped across his chest. Her hands were on his neck, her face against his. His cheeks were wet from her tears and kisses as she whispered to him, “It’s all done now and you can rest. You did wonderfully. We love you so much. I love you.” We all stood together and cried quietly.
Then my mom turned to us and began to remind us of heaven, and once again, of God’s blessing on our family. She pointed out how peacefully my dad had died – there was no struggle, no last bit of pain. He simply exhaled for the last time. We were all at the house together, and my mom was able to hold his hand as he passed, just as she’d wanted. We all nodded and kept crying.
We know we are blessed. We don’t grieve like those without hope; we understand that we’ll all be together again in heaven someday. But for now, we are sad. My dad isn’t with us anymore and our family feels very different without him. It seems like any minute he should walk through the door with the Wall Street Journal tucked under his arm and a bag of pastries from his favorite bakery, asking us about our plans for the day and sharing a little random trivia the way he always did. But that won’t happen, and knowing it makes us all ache.
I’m glad Jesus cried over his friend Lazarus’s death, even though he knew there was a happy ending in the works. It lets me know that crying for my dad is okay too. As we head into his funeral this weekend, there will be smiles as we remember his life and many, many more tears.
I can’t end this post without mentioning my mom’s blog. I know plenty of you are already reading it, but in case you’ve been missing out, here is a link to her site, www.gettingthroughthis.com. She has faithfully updated her blog every day for the past month, even though some nights she didn’t get around to it until 2am. We encouraged her many times to take a night off and go to bed early, but she never has. “Linnea, it’s an act of worship for me,” she said of her writing process the other night. I am thankful she’s let me and so many other readers in on her worship. Over and over her words have shaped my perspective so that I’ve ended up looking for God’s nearness during this time instead of losing myself in the sadness of my dad’s disease. Growing up, I had plenty of problems with my mom and dad. But lately when it comes to my parents, I find myself unable to thank God enough for putting me in this particular family.
Dear Linnea –
There are no words that could ever take your pain away and I wont even try to pretend to understand what you are going through right now. But my heart goes out to you and your family during this time…The way you all have handled your father’s last months on earth have been such a beautiful testimony of God’s love and grace. May you find His perfect peace in these next weeks and please be sure to take care of yourself and the lil one! God’s hand is so mightily upon you and your family.. I know you will find His rest. I love you and you are continually in my prayers!
Linnea, there are not words, I have been praying that God might give me some, but no, I will simply, mourn with those who mourn. At the same time rejoicing, because, although I’m not sure there is such a thing as a victorious death, if there is, your father surely had one.
I have been following both blogs, keeping vigil with you all. I remember how impressed we both were at the Weddings, by your parents, and the family they had created. Thank you for letting us peek in the window.
Beth and Stefan de Wet
Thank you Linnea for sharing. We are with you all in this hard time.I know what you are going through after losing my brother six years ago. God will help you through this.You are all special to us.
Love and hugs from Peter & Karin in Norway
Thanks Linni, to share this hard time from your life. We will all miss your Papa, and prayers are coming for you this weekend and forever…
I thank the Lord for blessing your family with a strong, godly man of character. What a legacy he has left with you all. I do not know the exact road you are walking down, but I know the sting of losing such a mighty man of God, also known as Daddy. My heart aches for you, but I am rejoicing that God has given your family such faith and trust through this trying time. I do not know how people get through such loss without our Heavenly Father. Jon and I love you & Adam dearly and will continue to pray.
Something that gave me comfort when I lost my Daddy, was looking at Leilani and knowing that she too, had a piece of him……
Crying and smiling with you, Linni. I love you.
Sweetheart, as I said before”tears are a washing of the soul”….it’s a GOOD THING. I’ve cried right along with all of you, and so very thankful you were able to be there with them through this most difficult time. God has been so faithful, and He truly will never leave you ….and ..life goes on.
Look forward to seeing you and Skylar and Adam soon.
Love you all, GG
Hi Linnea. Just as you thank God for giving you the family you had, I also thank God for putting me in the house adjacent to yours for all of my childhood. It was a blessing having you all a part of that. It makes me sad that you are going through this. I can only relate in that my dad fought a similar battle. Everyone has a different experience though. I know with your faith you are letting God take care of things. Anyway, you are all in my prayers. I am excited for your new little boy who will be arriving soon and it will be the great memories of your dad that you pass on to him and Skylar as I have with my two. I wish you all the love.
Nancy
Linnea,
I am so sorry for what you and your family is going through. I know I haven’t seen you for a long time but it hurts me to see what you are going through now. You and Adam… and Skylar! are in my prayers.